how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
