I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
