so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize