I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
