I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
