And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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