her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
