What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
