my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
