In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
