so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
