I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
