shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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