He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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