My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My ass is underappreciated
I'm both gender and math confused
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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