Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
