i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
