Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
