yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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