btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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