Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize