i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
