What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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