Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just pee around me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
