The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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