After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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