You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
