New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
