He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
