i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
