you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
