it wasn't lemon gatorade
there's paper in my vomit.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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