My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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