and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
