Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize
