I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
