im holly from the hills drunk
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize