I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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