so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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