check it out our google latitudes are spooning
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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