I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
