apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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