We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize