he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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