You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
