I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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