Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize