margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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