just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
