Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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