Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize