I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Two words: nipple clamps
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