Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
