I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
