your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
