I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
