so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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