Screwed.edu
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize