Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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