Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
