you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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