peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
