I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
