my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
