I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The power of my boobs compel you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
