Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
