Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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