Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if only i could text you this smell
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
