3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
