There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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