HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
