The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
