i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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