So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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