Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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