i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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