i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh god it's open bar.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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