I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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