I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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