not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
