im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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