Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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