Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize