why didn't you poke me back
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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