at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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