some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
