woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
