Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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