Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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