Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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