I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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