There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
